How to sell feminism to men?

The popular perception of feminism has unfortunately usually always been something on the lines of frustrated, militant women struggling to have their demands met on issues that mainly concern women.  Nothing could be further from the true spirit of feminism as I have come to understand it, and yet feminists themselves must accept part of the blame for not doing enough to disabuse people, particularly men, of this misconception.  For while the primary goal of the movement has undeniably been securing women their fair share of rights, there is much that men stand to gain from this, and in many ways the process cannot really be successful without the participation of this "other" half of humanity.  Also, modern feminism has acquired theoretical dimensions, that go beyond activism and lobbying for women's empowerment, and in fact address very general  and universal questions that concern everybody, just like climate change or the laws of physics. 

So here are some ideas on how to present pop feminism to the man on the street and convince them of its coolness :  :)   (I will try to combine situations from both a first and third world perspective, which I believe my having had the chance of living in both kinds of cultures entitles me to do). So here are the main (persuasive to the best of my belief) points men could be presented with while evangelizing feminism :) :

Patriarchy affects men in negative ways too :  Patriarchy puts men in positions of undue power and authority, which loads them with unnecessary burdens of expectation and tends to corrupt them. The male ego is ultimately a form of insecurity that leads men to have false expectations of themselves.  The whole "macho" construct is based on  ludicrous notions that require a man to debase himself and act in undignified ways to impose his authority. If you are opposed to your wife working outside the home because this interferes with your notion of tradition, you are just losing a fair share of your household income.  If you feel jealous about your wife mingling with other men, you are simply raising your blood pressure over a trivial matter.  By confining women to nurturing and caregiving roles within the family, you are depriving them of the opportunities of education, self-sufficiency and therefore full growth as a person, which in turn adversely affects the quality of care the woman is able to provide to your children or other members of your family.  Patriarchy confines you to narrow power-seeking roles that often sees violence as a legitimate strategy. By indulging in violence, you tend to put yourself at higher risk, besides undermining the quality of your life and the peace of your mind. The examples are countless.

Feminism is not a gender war about trivial matters :  Feminism was not created so that your significant other could insult you and score points off  you during a tiff.  In its sensible versions, it does not concern itself with the typical  "men are from Jupiter and like this" or "women are from Pluto and like that" stereotypes that the mass media around you so glibly promotes.  Feminism doesn't try to  pointedly prove that girls are as good as guys in math despite statistical evidence being against it  or that most of the world's crime, warfare and other forms of violence are caused by men (despite empirical evidence being overwhelmingly in favor of this).  Feminism, or at least the brand I am trying to promote here, takes a much more mature stand - it recognizes that there are  empirical differences between men and women, not least in their biological roles -  but this is not something that we can let stand in the way of ensuring equal rights and opportunities for women, nor will this stop us from questioning how much of these so called gender differences are  actually outcomes of social conditioning. The latter is of course a case of the old nature-vs-nurture debate and feminism recognizes that this is an open question and you can always be a feminist no matter where you choose to locate yourself on this nature-nurture scale provided you are open minded and critical enough about it.  Lastly political correctness in formal situations is only a superficial aspect of feminism, largely symbolic in its import, and not the whole story about feminism.

Feminism and the sexual revolution :  Patriarchy has overall been unhealthy for human sexuality.  Women have largely been seen as sexual objects, who need to be pursued for their sexual assets, while their own sexual agency has been denied.  This has led men to be competitive, aggressive and insecure in matters of sex.  Men have also not been conscious of their sexual desirability to women which leads to low self esteem.   The best sex happens when consenting, responsible adults participate as equal partners in the process.  Feminism seeks to remove power gradients in matters of sex and also sees sex as a broad, complex and important aspect of human behavior, thereby promoting an inclusive model of sexuality, wherein people, especially those with alternative forms of sexuality (e.g. homosexuals) need not feel guilty. 

False stereotypes about feminists : The stereotypical image that the word 'feminist' evokes in much of the popular consciousness is an angry, man-hating, geeky woman who can't find herself a date (if you are from the US) or has been divorced from her husband (if you are from India). It is important to present people with real examples of feminists - people who you admire for their intelligence and other human qualities- your relatives, friends, teachers, other men (yeah that's the point here!) that call themselves 'feminists' and live happy and fruitful lives (it is important to appreciate that it is possible to lead such a life outside the confines of marriage or other forms of conventional relationships) while also hoping to make the world a better place. Most men and (probably more) women actually need convincing that a man could be feminist too! 

Feminism is very broad in scope and very inclusive in character :  Modern feminism affords a very holistic worldview and meshes in with other political and intellectual movements in very sophisticated ways.

Feminism provides insight into world politics - it relates war and class oppression to patriarchal modes of thinking.  There are direct analogues of feminism with other resistance movements - for example against colonialism and racism. Feminist theory is more abstract than simple man-woman equations, and painstakingly identifies "masculine" and "feminine" metaphors in our thinking, that certainly trains one to look critically at one's own thoughts and prejudices.  Feminism is an umbrella of lot of very different kinds of thinking. You can certainly hold very different beliefs from another feminist and still be a feminist.

Feminism concerns itself with matters of gender which certainly are in no way unique to women. Also all women are not automatically feminists (however hard Sarah Palin might try to pass herself off as one).  Feminism is not about fortifying selfish interests of individual women . Although some women may use it for such purposes, it is important not to generalize. Men need not feel alienated by it and can actually profit from it.

I write all this at the cost of sounding pedantic to people who are already sensitized to these issues but I hope to succeed at least in convincing them of the importance of similarly sensitizing the vast majority who still see feminism as too distant or narrow in scope, or even unnecessary, trivial or harmful, and actually suggesting some ways in this could be done. Of course a lot of women need to be better educated in feminism as well, but this was mainly written from a sense of frustration at the way in which popular discourse presents feminism as something entirely unfashionable and inconsequential, if not inimical to their interests, for men.