There are times when I've been jealous of womanizers, men who I consider mostly inferior to myself in abilities and certainly in terms of attitude and behavior, and yet who seem to be a big hit with women. This has often led me to despise the broad majority of "broads" who fall for such men. These so-called "studs" are often seen as role models by other men in our patriarchal setup, while the female analog is the "slut" to be shunned by her feminine fellows (this is a favorite example with feminists who want to point out duplicitious gender standards in our society).
Sure there might be evolutionary factors at work here - alpha males sowing their wild seed around while women concentrate on growing babies, etc - but I am sort of irritated at the very loose use of the "evolution card" in most dinnertable conversations and debates. a) Evolution is certainly more subtle and long-term than that, b) it is probably one small factor among many behind an individual's actions, and c) we have reached a certain level of civilizational sophistication in the 21st c. where memes matter equally, if not more, than genes - we do not hunt rival males down, and rape the females in their harem, these days. Extremely creative and successful men and women sometimes choose not to reproduce because they are too dedicated to their life's work in the sciences or the letters or social activism or something else - they are more preoccupied with leaving a memetic legacy behind than a genetic one - "evolution" is just not such a big deal at the micro level any more.
Coming back to skirtchasing, I think such behavior is an outcome of one or more of the following factors - plain attention-seeking behavior from people who have probably been otherwise knocked about in life (these types are also likely to drive motorbikes without silencers or indulge in heavy "public display of affection" ), a sort of narcissistic, power-hungry personality with a fragile ego that needs the "conquest" of women to feed their image and build their status with male peers (thinking of a "medieval baron who abducts serf women" type here), plain sex addict, spoiled child, too much money and free time, etc. The average monogamous man might envy this lifestyle but it also comes with its fair share of downs which are often not pointed out or dwelled upon as much.
Sure the dominant social discourse is on the side of these "studs", but one could do this gender collapsing and see them as nothing too different from "sluts". Just as a lot of otherwise sensible men might feel physically turned on by a "slut", a lot of sensible women are turned on by these charming, physically attractive or otherwise specially equipped "studs" - the women are not necessarily being naive or victims here - a whole lot of them are actually physically "using" the "studs" just as much as the studs think they are "using" the women. These women, especially if coming from a society where women are suitably educated and empowered, rarely commit emotionally to the "players". The discourse of the male charmer and the female victim is probably another big lie. So every time the resident "jock" or the "stud" brags about his last night's conquests these days, I just smile inwardly and think, "Dude, you are happily being a male prostitute, and not even getting paid for it."
Sure there might be evolutionary factors at work here - alpha males sowing their wild seed around while women concentrate on growing babies, etc - but I am sort of irritated at the very loose use of the "evolution card" in most dinnertable conversations and debates. a) Evolution is certainly more subtle and long-term than that, b) it is probably one small factor among many behind an individual's actions, and c) we have reached a certain level of civilizational sophistication in the 21st c. where memes matter equally, if not more, than genes - we do not hunt rival males down, and rape the females in their harem, these days. Extremely creative and successful men and women sometimes choose not to reproduce because they are too dedicated to their life's work in the sciences or the letters or social activism or something else - they are more preoccupied with leaving a memetic legacy behind than a genetic one - "evolution" is just not such a big deal at the micro level any more.
Coming back to skirtchasing, I think such behavior is an outcome of one or more of the following factors - plain attention-seeking behavior from people who have probably been otherwise knocked about in life (these types are also likely to drive motorbikes without silencers or indulge in heavy "public display of affection" ), a sort of narcissistic, power-hungry personality with a fragile ego that needs the "conquest" of women to feed their image and build their status with male peers (thinking of a "medieval baron who abducts serf women" type here), plain sex addict, spoiled child, too much money and free time, etc. The average monogamous man might envy this lifestyle but it also comes with its fair share of downs which are often not pointed out or dwelled upon as much.
Sure the dominant social discourse is on the side of these "studs", but one could do this gender collapsing and see them as nothing too different from "sluts". Just as a lot of otherwise sensible men might feel physically turned on by a "slut", a lot of sensible women are turned on by these charming, physically attractive or otherwise specially equipped "studs" - the women are not necessarily being naive or victims here - a whole lot of them are actually physically "using" the "studs" just as much as the studs think they are "using" the women. These women, especially if coming from a society where women are suitably educated and empowered, rarely commit emotionally to the "players". The discourse of the male charmer and the female victim is probably another big lie. So every time the resident "jock" or the "stud" brags about his last night's conquests these days, I just smile inwardly and think, "Dude, you are happily being a male prostitute, and not even getting paid for it."
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2 comments:
I've had this colleague who was exactly like the kind of guy you are describing. A day didn't pass that he wouldn't persecute us with stories of his wild conquests. His salacious stories were so endlessly convoluted that nobody wanted to hear them any more. And we did see him around the campus with a new woman every couple of days.
So one day he got drunk and confessed to me that he was actually a virgin. Not a single woman ever agreed to go on a single date with him. And the women we saw streaming in and out of his apartment and meeting him on campus? Turns out he was selling them his mother's jewelry (she is a jewelry designer.)
I tried explaining to him that nowadays this alpha male thing doesn't get much traction with women. Every woman I know wants a sensitive, kind, gentle, intelligent, funny guy. Not some loud-mouthed jerk who invents some silly stories about his numerous conquests.
Sadly, he didn't listen. Now he is 36, looking desperately to date, and failing every single time.
Thanks for sharing the anecdote, Clarissa. :) It is both funny and sad that people would have such ridiculous attitudes today. That said, a certain kind of man who wants to score points off women, is despicable, whether he "succeeds" or not.
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