Saturday, May 1, 2010

Writer's Block ... help?!

I do not consider myself much of a creative writer.  Readers of my blog will know that I am most comfortable with writing opinionated nonfictional narratives that do not require much research, or some occasional playful poetry. Of late, especially in the last few days in the aftermath of being busy studying for an exam, I have been meaning to write one or two short stories, the ideas for which have been with me for a few months now.
I am intending it to be a somewhat dark and disturbing look at Indian class dynamics. 

But the days have been whiled away. On being dissipated,  and frustrated,  and oversleeping, and wasteful social networking.  Now I am reading "Lolita" and "The Waste land" (in parallel) to see if that will give me any inspiration.  This is really the best thing I have done today. After a sad day of washing dishes and exploring dating websites, it seems particularly meaningful by contrast.  "Lolita" I always need to consume piecemeal - not only because of  "shocking content", but also I do not like to let that smooth-talking Humbert take control of me for hours at a time.  It is so cleverly written that the reader seems to be hypnotized into accepting Humbert's version after a point.  Both these are difficult reads,  a tax on the brain. This is possibly why I am blogging now, as a respite from reading, and to get my thoughts in order.  And to keep up some sort of writing habit when creativity is not coming easy. Also I think I have gone overboard with this socializing thing for the last few months.  It is alien to my nature, and though I am not averse to human company, a shared joke or two, and bitching about life's problems, on a lot of occasions; I am at my happiest reading and creating on my own.  These are useful qualities and I don't plan to fritter them away.  I am going camping with a large group over the weekend.  I feel almost sorry now that I agreed to it.  The thing is I am half-afraid people will stop asking me out if I turn down the invitations more often than not, and I wouldn't like that to happen. I basically rely on two communities - one organized on ethnic lines, another being the professional circle - for my social sustenance - and need to figure out ways to optimize social needs with my private ones. I guess I need to be able to "dress up" my "No" s - and strive to play a more noticeable role in the social ventures which I choose to participate in, so that I do not get overlooked. Somehow it is a comforting thought that there is so much in life to keep working on! That probably more confident  people do not ascribe any importance to and consequently miss out on.

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