I woke up feeling very annoyed today morning.
A Tuesday this semester for me mostly means a day wasted in teaching some humanoids.
On different Tuesdays, I have to invent different reasons to make myself feel cheerful.
Today for example, I told myself, that ultimately we are all going to die, and so there is hardly any point in being worked up over something so trivial. This does put things in perspective. Yet when I speak of death now, it seems so remote and unimportant, it takes some effort to not be impatient about such thoughts, and they cause me more mirth than anxiety. I wonder how it happens with older people, or people in high risk jobs, who know they are rapidly approaching the end of their lives. Do they contemplate death? Do they wonder what it means to not exist any more? Or do they turn even more hedonistic and deal with it by not worrying about it at all? Isn't it quite surprising that we make through so much of our lives without spending much time being depressed about having to die at the end of it anyway?
Also the other thing that inspired this post was this somewhat tragically hilarious post I found on the Craigslist "rants and raves" section from someone who probably counts a lot on social security :
"I don't want to die. However, I am sure I will get some kind of serious disease before I die. My biggest worry is not that I will get cancer. My biggest worry is that I won't get cancer. Will I be denied disability because my doctor doesn't know what is wrong with me? Will I be denied disability because I get a disease which is not on the "Approved List" of serious diseases? My prayer to God is this : When it is my time to go, please give me something on the "Approved list of diseases" so I can get a disability check to help me with my bills. "
A Tuesday this semester for me mostly means a day wasted in teaching some humanoids.
On different Tuesdays, I have to invent different reasons to make myself feel cheerful.
Today for example, I told myself, that ultimately we are all going to die, and so there is hardly any point in being worked up over something so trivial. This does put things in perspective. Yet when I speak of death now, it seems so remote and unimportant, it takes some effort to not be impatient about such thoughts, and they cause me more mirth than anxiety. I wonder how it happens with older people, or people in high risk jobs, who know they are rapidly approaching the end of their lives. Do they contemplate death? Do they wonder what it means to not exist any more? Or do they turn even more hedonistic and deal with it by not worrying about it at all? Isn't it quite surprising that we make through so much of our lives without spending much time being depressed about having to die at the end of it anyway?
Also the other thing that inspired this post was this somewhat tragically hilarious post I found on the Craigslist "rants and raves" section from someone who probably counts a lot on social security :
"I don't want to die. However, I am sure I will get some kind of serious disease before I die. My biggest worry is not that I will get cancer. My biggest worry is that I won't get cancer. Will I be denied disability because my doctor doesn't know what is wrong with me? Will I be denied disability because I get a disease which is not on the "Approved List" of serious diseases? My prayer to God is this : When it is my time to go, please give me something on the "Approved list of diseases" so I can get a disability check to help me with my bills. "
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3 comments:
"I speak of death now, it seems so remote and unimportant…"
maybe think of the "little death" instead? but oh wait, it's still remote and (perhaps) unimportant to certain people of our mutual acquaintance, tai na? but not to all, thankfully :P
I don't find the CL post hilarious at all, not even in a tragic, if-I-don't-laugh-I'll-cry way. I find it terrifying, desperate, and absolutely chilling. It probably has to do with critical distance and empathy. I have very little critical distance from fears of undiagnosed illness -- I was undiagnosed and under not-really-helpful medication since I was in Class 8. Class 8 was eleven years back. I may finally have a diagnosis to ONE of my problems this year, but unless I start getting comprehensively better, I couldn't know for sure.
Besides, as someone with a family full of much-loved elderly people who have queued up to die since my teens, I am all too familiar with the panic and nerve-wrecking stress of finding healthcare funds where none exists. So no smiles for me from this one, none at all.
However, I'm curious about your attitude to teaching. Why do you feel this way?
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